[Memphis]

I got this from another forum

~Don't Shave That Hair!!!

I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!





This a hacking story i found

The story starts (I'm shortcutting here) with an [Please control your cussing] insulting everyone on the IRC channel. Most people there believed it was rather funny, but it got even more funny. For information: The dangerous hacker is called *****checker and the one being hacked and original author of the comments, who is talking here, is known as Elch. 127.0.0.1 is always the IP-adress of the computer you're currently using, any request there will return to your computer.

QUOTE


* *****checker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
* *****checker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<*****checker>why do you kick me
<*****checker> can't you discus normally
<*****checker> answer!
<Elch> we didn't kick you
<Elch> you had a ping timeout: * *****checker (~java@euirc-a97f9137.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)
<*****checker> what ping man
<*****checker> the timing of my pc is right
<*****checker> i even have dst
<*****checker> you banned me
<*****checker> amit it you son of a *****
<HopperHunter|afk> LOL
<HopperHunter|afk> **** you're stupid, DST^^
<*****checker> shut your mouth WE HAVE DST!
<*****checker> for two weaks already
<*****checker> when you start your pc there is a message from windows that DST is applied.
<Elch> You're a real computer expert
<*****checker> shut up i hack you
<Elch> ok, i'm quiet, hope you don't show us how good a hacker you are ^^
<*****checker> tell me your network number man then you're dead
<Elch> Eh, it's 129.0.0.1
<Elch> or maybe 127.0.0.1
<Elch> yes exactly that's it: 127.0.0.1 I'm waiting for you great attack
<*****checker> in five minutes your hard drive is deleted
<Elch> Now I'm frightened
<*****checker> shut up you'll be gone
<*****checker> i have a program where i enter your ip and you're dead
<*****checker> say goodbye
<Elch> to whom?
<*****checker> to you man
<*****checker> buy buy
<Elch> I'm shivering thinking about such great Hack0rs like you
* *****checker (~java@euirc-61a2169c.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)

What happened is clear: That guy entered his own IP-Adress in his mighty Hack-Tool and crashed his own PC. This way, the attack on my PC was a failure. I was already starting to think that I did not have to worry, but a good hacker never calls it a day. Two minutes later he returned.

QUOTE


*****checker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<*****checker> dude be happy my pc crashed otherwise you'd be gone
<Metanot> lol
<Elch> *****checker: Then try hacking me again… I still have the same IP: 127.0.0.1
<*****checker> you're so stupid man
<*****checker> say buy buy
<Metanot> ah, [Please control your cussing] off
<*****checker> buy buy elch
* *****checker (~java@euirc-b5cd558e.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)

There was a tension in the room… Would he manage, after these two failures, to crash my PC? I waited. Nothing happened. I felt relieve… Six minutes passed by until he prepared the next wave of attack. Being a Hacker, who usually cracks whole data centers, he knew what his problem was now.

QUOTE


* *****checker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) has joined #stopHipHop
<*****checker> elch you son of a *****
<Metanot> *****checker how old are you?
<Elch> What's up *****checker?
<*****checker> you have a frie wal
<*****checker> fire wall
<Elch> maybe, i don't know
<*****checker> i'm 26
<Metanot> such behaviour with 26?
<Elch> how did you find out that I have a firewall?
<Metanot> tststs this is not very nice missy
<*****checker> because your gay fire wall directed my turn off signal back to me
<*****checker> be a man turn that **** off
<Elch> cool, didn't know this was possible.
<*****checker> thn my virus destroys your pc man
<Metanot> are you hacking yourselves?
<Elch> yes *****checker is trying to hack me
<Metanot> he *****checker if you're a hacker you have to get around a firewall even i can do that
<*****checker> yes man i hack the elch but the sucker has a fire wall the
<Metanot> what firewall do you have?
<*****checker> like a girl
<Metanot> firewall is normal a normal hacker has to be able to get past it…you girl^^
<He> ***** give yourself a jackson and chill you're letting them provoce you and give those little girls new material all the time
<*****checker> turn the firewall off then i send you a virus [Please control your cussing]er
<Elch> Noo
<Metanot> he *****checker why turn it off, you should turn it off
<*****checker> you're afraid
<*****checker> i don't wanna hack like this if he hides like a girl behind a fire wall
<*****checker> elch turn off your **** wall!
<Metanot> i wanted to say something about this, do you know the definition of hacking??? if he turns of the firewall that's an invitation and that has nothing to do with hacking
<*****checker> shut up
<Metanot> lol
<*****checker> my grandma surfs with fire wall
<*****checker> and you suckers think you're cool and don't dare going into the internet without a fire wall
He calls me girly and says only his grandma would use a firewall. I know that elder people are much more intelligent then younger, but I couldn't let that rest. To see whether he really is a good hacker I lie and let everything as it is. I don't have a firewall at all, only my router.

QUOTE


<Elch> *****checker, a collegue showed me how to turn the firewall off. Now you can try again
<Metanot> *****hacker can't hack
<Black<TdV>> nice play on words ^^
<*****checker> wort man
<Elch> *****checker: I'm still waiting for your attack!
<Metanot> how many times again he is no hacker
<*****checker> man do you want a virus
<*****checker> tell me your ip and it deletes your hard drive
<Metanot> lol ne give it up i'm a hacker myself and i know how hackers behave and i can tell you 100.00% you're no hacker..^^
<Elch> 127.0.0.1
<Elch> it's easy
<*****checker> lolololol you so stupid man you'll be gone
<*****checker> and are the first files being deleted
<Elch> mom…
<Elch> i'll take a look
In panic I started the Windows Explorer, my heart beating faster. Had I under-estimated him?

QUOTE


<*****checker> don't need to rescue you can't son of a *****
<Elch> that's bad
<*****checker> elch you idiout your hard drive g: is deleted
<Elch> yes, there's nothing i can do about it
<*****checker> and in 20 seconds f: is gone
Yes, true, G: and F: were gone. Did I ever have them? Doesn't matter, I did not have time to think, I was scared. *****checker was comforting me with a music tip.

QUOTE


<*****checker> tupac rules
<*****checker> elch you son of a ***** your f: is gone and e: too
Drive E:? Oh my god… All the games are there! And the vacation pictures! I instantly take a look. Everything still there. But the hacker said it was deleted….

Or isn't it happening on my computer?

QUOTE


<*****checker> and d: is at 45% you idiot lolololol
<He> why doesn't meta say anything
<Elch> he's probably rolling on the floor laughing
<Black<TdV>> ^^
<*****checker> your d: is gone
<He> go on *****
The guy is good: My CD-drive is allegedly deleted! *****checker turned my ancient disk sucker into a burner! But how did he do this? I'll have to ask him. Some encourage him. He himself is giving advice how to avoid the disaster on my hard drives.

QUOTE

<*****checker> elch man you're so stupid never give your ip on the internet
<*****checker> i'm already at c: 30 percent
Should I tell him he's not attacking my computer?

QUOTE


* *****checker (~java@euirc-9ff3c180.dip.t-dialin.net) Quit (Ping timeout#)


Too late… It's 20:22 when we get the last message of our hacker with the alias "*****checker". We see that he has a "Ping timeout". We haven't seen him since then… must be the Daylight Saving Time.